Interesting idea for a story. =)
I think you've a got a good start, there. The only things that I can say are to be a bit more specific and to be more descriptive. For example, explain why it is that the girl started to cry. Was it because she was lonely, sad, why? It seemed kind of spontaneous. And instead of just one sentence summarizing the fall of the guard or whoever he is, describe the scene and how the fists swung across the room--that kind of thing.
I love how it leaves me wondering, though. I'll be waiting to see more from you on this story. =)
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I love how it leaves me wondering, though. I'll be waiting to see more from you on this story. =)
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