Temple of Dagon story tournament (Voting closed - JP wins!)
Moderators: mgmirkin, Moderators
I've read all the stories and have made notes over 3 of them. Later, when this is over, I'll try to send feedback to everyone.
For now, I'd just like to say that all the stories were enjoyable, and add a few comments before voting.
"Where the Wild Things Are" was the most polished entry, and most like a classic horror story.
"The Void Reaper" was an exciting Lovecraftian tale with energetic and original descriptions of an otherwordly horror.
"Requiem of the North" had probably the most unusual and often excellent language that made the action almost abstract, but maybe better for that very reason.
"Raven Mocker" was excellent as a tale of wild fantasy while still being related with a strongly realistic atmosphere.
I'll more to these comments later.
For now, I'd just like to say that all the stories were enjoyable, and add a few comments before voting.
"Where the Wild Things Are" was the most polished entry, and most like a classic horror story.
"The Void Reaper" was an exciting Lovecraftian tale with energetic and original descriptions of an otherwordly horror.
"Requiem of the North" had probably the most unusual and often excellent language that made the action almost abstract, but maybe better for that very reason.
"Raven Mocker" was excellent as a tale of wild fantasy while still being related with a strongly realistic atmosphere.
I'll more to these comments later.
-
Eternities End
- Deep One Spawn
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:29 pm
- Location: The Icy Land of Canada
not me, i'm reading.. noticing some parallels between odin2's 'raven mocker' and my unfinished story, 'beware the manitongva.' i'm just in the middle now, so i'll see how far the coincidences go
A monkey riding a dog is probably the awesomest thing that could ever happen.
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
-
EG_Administration
- Librarian
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Thu Apr 20, 2006 11:51 pm
- Location: between reality and infinity
- Contact:
just want to check something here.. it says at the start that only 2 writers will advance from this round to the next. why not just have a series of rounds without the eliminations, so we get more stories each time?
also, i'd like to go for a lower word count at some point. i'm just too dang slow to produce 2000-3000 satisfactory words on short notice.
meanwhile, i'll be doing my notes on the current entries and submitting my vote with due consideration
also, i'd like to go for a lower word count at some point. i'm just too dang slow to produce 2000-3000 satisfactory words on short notice.
meanwhile, i'll be doing my notes on the current entries and submitting my vote with due consideration
A monkey riding a dog is probably the awesomest thing that could ever happen.
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Well, it's getting late to change this particular contest, but if it would be easier to get people involved, then the next contest might be just that--writings of 1000 words or less from beginning to end, which would be relatively easy reading for voters and easier to produce for the writers.JJ Burke wrote:just want to check something here.. it says at the start that only 2 writers will advance from this round to the next. why not just have a series of rounds without the eliminations, so we get more stories each time?
also, i'd like to go for a lower word count at some point. i'm just too dang slow to produce 2000-3000 satisfactory words on short notice.
meanwhile, i'll be doing my notes on the current entries and submitting my vote with due consideration
But for now, having got all these stories in, we might as well go on and complete it as planned. It only means two more stories to be written by the winners after this round, and then we can go on with a second contest in whatever form is agreed on.
sure, let's finish what's already started. i don't mean to abort the current proceedings.. just trying to avoid a repeat of my incomplete entry. i've heard lots of writers say it's harder to write a shorter story, but i'm not sure if that's true for me.... yet
A monkey riding a dog is probably the awesomest thing that could ever happen.
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
-
Jesus Prime
- Moderator
- Posts: 3713
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:38 pm
- Location: Ireland (Moon-Bog country)
first and foremost: thanks for writing, everybody. i know i pooped out on the contest, but i hope to make it up with this semi-rigorous analysis. thanks to you, i am determined to finish what i started with my story (eventually).
i used 2 criteria to judge these entries:
1. how did i like the story, and
2. how well did it fit the agreed-upon theme
>>> warning: spoilers follow <<<
hodgson's 'an anonymous journal'
overall: technically strong throughout, but lacking cohesion between segments. i liked the ridge chase scene, and quickly felt sympathy for the narrator and mccarty’s bookshop situation. however the journal story is pretty irrelevant to the first part.. i thought you could have come back to those guys to wrap it up somehow. also, the description of the creature was overly smudgy, making me question the choice to 'paraphrase' the journal (the copyright explanation bothered me right away—it’s like a piece of duct tape holding the story together). despite these bumps, i was kept entertained for the duration.
theme: this story is a loose fit as i see it. a local legend typically hails from previous generations, having circulated within a community for a while. ‘an anonymous journal’ is more like an impersonal accident of fate, passing one person’s private story into another’s hands. this might work in the sense that a local legend might start out in such a fashion, but the reader is not prompted toward that idea.
jp's 'where the wild things are'
overall: starts strong and keeps a good pace. the phenomenon of the beasties—who they confront and why—is pretty vague, but it doesn’t hurt much. i read this when it was new (and longer than this version?), and reading it again hasn’t been boring.
theme: it’s a good story, probably the most polished of the bunch, but i have to subtract points for missing the marks of a local legend. true, it’s a story spanning generations, but only within this one peculiar family of medical students (as far as we know). this would better fit a contest theme of ‘family curse’ or ‘haunted house.’
ee's 'the void reaper'
overall: the imagery of the void reaper in the hand is pretty memorable, and the most original part of the story. the rest, to be honest, wasn’t so compelling to me. the story progresses through a series of plot devices that aren’t very unique or custom-fitted. i would rate this as a fairly average mythos tribute/pastiche story. i’m sure you could have produced something a lot more solid if you spent more than a single night. still, hats off to you for finishing in time.
theme: as far as i can tell, this story doesn’t have anything to do with geography. it’s about an ancient hebrew legend, and although there is a large jewish population in new york, the legend of the void reaper must originate somewhere else, like in the middle east, right?
woodruff's 'requiem of the north'
overall: the writing is kinda florid, so i had to read it carefully before the scenes really appeared in my head. the part where the northern lights stop moving is pretty chilling, and the discussion of colors and nebulae remind me of hpl’s dreamland stuff. i’m not sure i understand what happened to the narrator’s companions.. were they just dragged away into the snow? anyway, it’s an interesting tale with an unusual ending. i see it’s designated as a fragment.. is there more to it?
theme: this uses ‘the north’ as a generalized locality, but i don’t see where the legend comes into play. it’s mentioned that there is a sort of vague attraction for some people to go to the north, but that’s about as far as it goes in terms of common knowledge. the real essence of this story is one man’s transformative experience. it’s not really a cautionary tale, or something that would be repeated around a campfire...
odin2's 'raven mocker'
overall: i liked the set-up with the old man and his family, and the story of the tsa-la-gi (is that how they pronounce ‘cherokee’?) was interesting too. how much of this comes from the real cherokee culture? i would have liked to know more about the civil war between the sorcerors and the warriors, but i guess that’s not central to the raven mocker legend.
theme: i think this entry comes closest to articulating the ‘local legend’ theme, although there isn’t any specific place mentioned. so i’m wondering if it’s more of a local legend or a cultural legend. but you have the element of trans-generational storytelling, which nobody else really used.. so i’m giving extra points for that.
i used 2 criteria to judge these entries:
1. how did i like the story, and
2. how well did it fit the agreed-upon theme
>>> warning: spoilers follow <<<
hodgson's 'an anonymous journal'
overall: technically strong throughout, but lacking cohesion between segments. i liked the ridge chase scene, and quickly felt sympathy for the narrator and mccarty’s bookshop situation. however the journal story is pretty irrelevant to the first part.. i thought you could have come back to those guys to wrap it up somehow. also, the description of the creature was overly smudgy, making me question the choice to 'paraphrase' the journal (the copyright explanation bothered me right away—it’s like a piece of duct tape holding the story together). despite these bumps, i was kept entertained for the duration.
theme: this story is a loose fit as i see it. a local legend typically hails from previous generations, having circulated within a community for a while. ‘an anonymous journal’ is more like an impersonal accident of fate, passing one person’s private story into another’s hands. this might work in the sense that a local legend might start out in such a fashion, but the reader is not prompted toward that idea.
jp's 'where the wild things are'
overall: starts strong and keeps a good pace. the phenomenon of the beasties—who they confront and why—is pretty vague, but it doesn’t hurt much. i read this when it was new (and longer than this version?), and reading it again hasn’t been boring.
theme: it’s a good story, probably the most polished of the bunch, but i have to subtract points for missing the marks of a local legend. true, it’s a story spanning generations, but only within this one peculiar family of medical students (as far as we know). this would better fit a contest theme of ‘family curse’ or ‘haunted house.’
ee's 'the void reaper'
overall: the imagery of the void reaper in the hand is pretty memorable, and the most original part of the story. the rest, to be honest, wasn’t so compelling to me. the story progresses through a series of plot devices that aren’t very unique or custom-fitted. i would rate this as a fairly average mythos tribute/pastiche story. i’m sure you could have produced something a lot more solid if you spent more than a single night. still, hats off to you for finishing in time.
theme: as far as i can tell, this story doesn’t have anything to do with geography. it’s about an ancient hebrew legend, and although there is a large jewish population in new york, the legend of the void reaper must originate somewhere else, like in the middle east, right?
woodruff's 'requiem of the north'
overall: the writing is kinda florid, so i had to read it carefully before the scenes really appeared in my head. the part where the northern lights stop moving is pretty chilling, and the discussion of colors and nebulae remind me of hpl’s dreamland stuff. i’m not sure i understand what happened to the narrator’s companions.. were they just dragged away into the snow? anyway, it’s an interesting tale with an unusual ending. i see it’s designated as a fragment.. is there more to it?
theme: this uses ‘the north’ as a generalized locality, but i don’t see where the legend comes into play. it’s mentioned that there is a sort of vague attraction for some people to go to the north, but that’s about as far as it goes in terms of common knowledge. the real essence of this story is one man’s transformative experience. it’s not really a cautionary tale, or something that would be repeated around a campfire...
odin2's 'raven mocker'
overall: i liked the set-up with the old man and his family, and the story of the tsa-la-gi (is that how they pronounce ‘cherokee’?) was interesting too. how much of this comes from the real cherokee culture? i would have liked to know more about the civil war between the sorcerors and the warriors, but i guess that’s not central to the raven mocker legend.
theme: i think this entry comes closest to articulating the ‘local legend’ theme, although there isn’t any specific place mentioned. so i’m wondering if it’s more of a local legend or a cultural legend. but you have the element of trans-generational storytelling, which nobody else really used.. so i’m giving extra points for that.
Last edited by JJ Burke on Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
A monkey riding a dog is probably the awesomest thing that could ever happen.
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Thanks for all the feedback, JJ. I think your comments about my story were pretty well on target. One thing about the copyright, though. It's my understanding that it really would be illegal for someone to publish the contents of another person's journal, even though the author was dead. For instance, if someone sends you a letter, you don't automatically have the right to publish those words, although you nonetheless have legal ownership of the physical letter itself. So I doubt I would reproduce the words of the journal in any revision, unless I were to decide that the journal is much older than originally imagined. But correction of the other faults might mend the 'duct tape' impression.JJ Burke wrote:first and foremost: thanks for writing, everybody. i know i pooped out on the contest, but i hope to make it up with this semi-rigorous analysis. thanks to you, i am determined to finish what i started with my story (eventually).
i used 2 criteria to judge these entries. . . .
About the 'local legend' quandary, I should probably say in defense of these entries that, in our earlier discussion, we said
as well asHodgson wrote:I think we would be okay either to use existing legends or to create them--to attribute legends to the city, province, area, and make it 'real' by using real places. To me, part of the enjoyment would be depicting local features that distinguish, even in a small way, that particular places from others. Like the architecture that Lovecraft noted in New England towns and used in stories like Innsmouth.JJ Burke wrote:just to clarify, is this to be based on real existing legends and not just loosely inspired by them? are we tying them in with hpl's mythos, or just using them as they are? what should be the objective of the stories?
So I think some of us were under the impression that locality in general was to be emphasized, even if the story did not quite deal with a local legend.Hodgson wrote:I don't see why not. The more the merrier in any case.Jesus Prime wrote:Can I just use a local setting and a coloquial tone?
About the other stories, I just want to add that I thought Requiem for the North was actually very good, somewhat surreal, but with very nice language. More polish will make it clearer and smoother but, as with the rest, I mean to send more detailed notes when this is over.
Again, I think all your comments were essentially on the mark and just what we needed here. I wish you could have made it into the tournament, but thanks for helping out.