a tale told by an idiot

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Thu Mar 15, 2007 11:42 am

Good, I was afraid no one caught it.

Eternities End · Post by **Eternities End** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:33 pm

JJ Burke wrote:tandem bicycle, 3-hour low-speed chase. they tried the p.i.t. maneuver, but then you countered with the shoeless-joe-jackson gambit and lost them in a corn field. film at 11

I did that once

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:55 pm

inexplicably, everyone's attention turned toward the sealed entrance of the temple's archival vaults, which (according to rumor) contained a perversely systematic organization of supremely forbidden contraband that not even the wily and power-abusive jhæzyss-präimn had ever beheld first-hand. (a couple of the hands in jhæzyss-präimn's hand-bag had supposedly been inside the vaults first-hand, though. at least that's what the guy who sold them second-hand said.)

there, in front of the cyclopean door with its diamond-welded gaskets and perpetual psychomagnetic deadbolts, a billowing cloud of acerbic vapor began to jet upward from an ancient web of cracks in the floor, and was closely followed by a globular sputtering of phosphorescent fluid whose behavior resembled that of 3-dimensional mercury. this soon formed a large circular puddle from which an arthropodic kabuki scuba diver clambered wetly onto the tiles and shook itself clean.

'what in the name of jethro bodine is THAT?' et'uurn't'ees-zendh screamed. his fantastically volatile mood had again rocketed back to a state of bewildered horrification. 'when this place isn't deader than a coprolite, it's crawlin' with weird frickin shat, eh!'

'relax,' said je-je-bhurkh'k, 'look at this excellent bong i found under yogi's bed. he left a lot of stuff down there, including stacks and stacks of tentacle hentai dvds.'

'omaga watafuh!!!!!!!!!!!!1111' et'uurn't'ees-zendh yelped as he nearly herniated himself with glee. he retracted his loafing stumps and deployed his running legs, and soon 32 pairs of custom-made reeboks were squeaking down the hall like a thousand bats out of hell. in seconds he could no longer be heard. je-je-bhurkh'k deposited the bong on the window sill, among shards and crumbs of the stained-head-cheese window through which the jug of irwin whiskey had earlier been kicked.

[sigh.] no one was left to hallucinate a verbal compliment for the continued continuity of the tale, and so it was mentioned anyway because there has to be credit where credit is due, especially if nobody's paying money for this— oh, nothing, just this EFFING EPIC G.D. LITERARY MASTERPIECE, THIS— RRGH— NOLEGGO— I'LLKILLYOU!!!!— AURKFKkk-chptl-khhk

[sorry, technical difficulty. the idiot has been sacked. the tale will now be ghost-written by an imbecile.]

alright, so, uh... looking back there... yeah, ok, so i guess the giant scuba cookie bug came up, and like, eternities end was all, like, 'wussup with dat, yo' and then like jj burke said yogi had lots of STDs, or something, and then.. um, yeah, that's about where they left off... yeah, ok... okaaaaaayyyyy... and then...... uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... UUUUUUUUUUUUUHHUHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMmmmmMMMmMmm......

[sorry, the imbecile's résumé was very misleading. the idiot's contract has be renegotiated, and the original telling will now resume, but with much more professionalism. isn't that right.]

y-y-y-yes, y-yes, nothing to worry about from me. the idiot is a team player, ask anybody. sure. sure, this is going to be great. i'm very happy now, thank you.

[who's very happy now? to which character in the story are you referring?]

o-oo-o-ohhh.. yy-y-y-yes, right, yes, yes, yes, of course, of course. stupid, stupid, foolish, won't happen again, no, no, no, no. no, no.

Eternities End · Post by **Eternities End** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 3:01 pm

JJ Burke wrote: eternities end was all, like, 'wussup with dat, yo'

Yah that sounds like something I'd say...I wear converse by the way...

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 3:40 pm

what is this, a documentary now? are you the idiot telling this thing?

no, seriously... are you?

Eternities End · Post by **Eternities End** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 3:38 pm

It was a comment...Fuck!

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 7:47 pm

everybody just chill

everybody be cool, we'll all get through this thing

E.A. Lovecraft · Post by **E.A. Lovecraft** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:44 pm

Eternities End wrote:
JJ Burke wrote: eternities end was all, like, 'wussup with dat, yo'
Yah that sounds like something I'd say...I wear converse by the way...

That's whack.

decadence · Post by **decadence** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 1:35 am

caramel.

Eternities End · Post by **Eternities End** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:22 pm

decadence wrote:caramel.

Indeed

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:13 pm

mararlboro

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:22 pm

Moose.

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:23 pm

Which, by the way, isn't mouse.

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:32 pm

if this tale had an illustrator, it would be david allard of elfwood

Eternities End · Post by **Eternities End** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:47 am

lol that pictures sweet