Mythos Poem #1: A Tribute to Cthulhu

Need writing advice? Want to share works in progress? Look here!

Moderators: mgmirkin, Moderators

User avatar
Enkil
Primordial Evil
Primordial Evil
Posts: 655
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2006 4:57 am
Location: Boston, Mass

Mythos Poem #1: A Tribute to Cthulhu

Post by Enkil »

I figure this is as far as I can get in this poems development, so I wanted to run it past y'all. So comment as you will, but one thing I'd like to know is all my facts are correct. I believe I have all the quotes to back up the statements in the poem except for the last bit, which is just my personal inferance of what would happen with some denizens of Earth.

Mythos Poem #1: A Tribute to Cthulhu

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange eons death may die,
Yet through endless time, the Great One rests, sublime, deep beneath the swells,
In sunken R’lyeh, where he dreams and dwells.

With astral alignment full freedom He’ll feel, when R’lyeh rises in the Immortal Deal.
And when the time is rightly so, the Great Cthulhu again will show,
His bulbous head inciting hysteria, fear and dread,
But, instead, will ignite the earth a blazing flame of revelry, without Him such the earth
would never see,
And so humans will be freed from their need for fame or greed.

Though some will cinder in the flames, making great religious claims,
Of allah, jesus, enki too;
Alas, their fate is to be judged by the Great Cthulhu.
"If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it." ~ Caesar
[America] [Scotland] ||| The Truth will stand when the World is on fire.
User avatar
JJ Burke
Old One
Posts: 2120
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:52 pm
Location: Southern California

Post by JJ Burke »

i'm confused in the second stanza when you say 'but, instead...' do you mean there will be revelry and not hysteria upon cthulhu's awakening?
User avatar
Enkil
Primordial Evil
Primordial Evil
Posts: 655
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2006 4:57 am
Location: Boston, Mass

Post by Enkil »

That's the line I've had the most trouble with. I know when Cthulhu awakens people won't care for him much, but I also remember reading in the Call of Cthulhu this line, "Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom."

I can't quite figure out how to make this aspect clear.
"If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it." ~ Caesar
[America] [Scotland] ||| The Truth will stand when the World is on fire.
User avatar
odin2
Shadow Out Of Time
Posts: 1443
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2005 3:26 pm
Location: Oklahoma
Contact:

Post by odin2 »

Mabey instead of,

"But, instead, will ignite the earth a blazing flame of revelry"

You could try,

"And, so, will ignite the earth in a blazing flame of revelry"

Just my two cents...
"I'm farther from doing what I want to do than I was 20 years ago"
~~H.P.Lovecraft~~
IMDB wrote: in the event of a zombie apocalypse, or the return of Cthulu, be near a Wal-Mart!
User avatar
JJ Burke
Old One
Posts: 2120
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:52 pm
Location: Southern California

Post by JJ Burke »

yeah, something like that..
2¢ + 2¢ = 4¢
this is exponential growth in cents!!!!!!
User avatar
Jesus Prime
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3713
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:38 pm
Location: Ireland (Moon-Bog country)

Post by Jesus Prime »

JJ Burke wrote:yeah, something like that..
2¢ + 2¢ = 4¢
this is exponential growth in cents!!!!!!
It's arithmetic growth. 2 + 2 + 2 = 6.
2^2^2 = 16.

And I really don't like the irregular cadence to it. What kind of metre are you trying to use?
Adrian wrote:TELL ME YOU ORDERED THE FUCKING GOLF SHOES!
Adrian wrote:I sure love my pudding.
User avatar
JJ Burke
Old One
Posts: 2120
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:52 pm
Location: Southern California

Post by JJ Burke »

aha, but the magical number 2 is both arithmetic and exponential in this case (2 + 2) = (2 x 2)
put it together and what do you get, bippity boppity boo +=x=+=x=+=x=x+x=+=Xx
User avatar
Enkil
Primordial Evil
Primordial Evil
Posts: 655
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2006 4:57 am
Location: Boston, Mass

Post by Enkil »

I didn't use any real rhyming scheme, just trying to rhyme when I can. I'm not that great at poetry, so sticking to well rhyme schemes has always been hard.
"If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it." ~ Caesar
[America] [Scotland] ||| The Truth will stand when the World is on fire.
User avatar
Jesus Prime
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3713
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:38 pm
Location: Ireland (Moon-Bog country)

Post by Jesus Prime »

Enkil wrote:I didn't use any real rhyming scheme, just trying to rhyme when I can. I'm not that great at poetry, so sticking to well rhyme schemes has always been hard.
The rhyme's not the problem, it's the metre, it's all over the show. No cadence. But the diction and your grasp of language are fine, they just seem more suited to prose, if you ask me.
Adrian wrote:TELL ME YOU ORDERED THE FUCKING GOLF SHOES!
Adrian wrote:I sure love my pudding.
Petersburg
Mi-Go Brain-Bait
Mi-Go Brain-Bait
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 4:39 am

Post by Petersburg »

The same interested me!
Post Reply