Let's tell some awesome jokes. They can be offensive too, as most of the really really funny jokes are. I'll start off.
How many Palestinians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They sit in the dark and blame the Jews.
How come all the ladies love Jesus? *stretchs arms out* Because he's hung like this.
A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks in the bar. The bartender says, "Hey, where'd you get that thing." To which the parrot replies, "In Africa! They got millions of 'em!"
The Pope calls his mother right after being elected Pope.
Pope: Hi mom, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Mother: What's the good news?
Pope: I've just been elected Pope.
Mother: What's the bad news?
Pope: I have to move into an Italian neighborhood.
What's black and white and red all over? That nun I just pushed down the stairs. (Told to me by my theology teacher in highschool)
Jokes! (Possibly Offensive For The Thin Skinned)
Moderators: mgmirkin, Moderators
Jokes! (Possibly Offensive For The Thin Skinned)
"If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it." ~ Caesar
[America] [Scotland] ||| The Truth will stand when the World is on fire.
[America] [Scotland] ||| The Truth will stand when the World is on fire.
Theology teacher in highschool??
I have to do all my theology studies on my own.... I love it, but my school does not offer it as a class....
I have to do all my theology studies on my own.... I love it, but my school does not offer it as a class....
"I'm farther from doing what I want to do than I was 20 years ago"
~~H.P.Lovecraft~~
~~H.P.Lovecraft~~
IMDB wrote: in the event of a zombie apocalypse, or the return of Cthulu, be near a Wal-Mart!
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Eternities End
- Deep One Spawn
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Good stuff!
I watched the documentary "Hammer and Tickle" today so heres some Communist Jokes
Why is the Soviet Sun so joyful in the morning ?
Because it knows that by evening it will be in the West.
Why doesn't the USSR start sending people to the Moon?
Because they are afraid they will become defectors.
What is the longest joke in the history of the world?
74 years of communism in Russia.
P.S 1000! Hell yah
I watched the documentary "Hammer and Tickle" today so heres some Communist Jokes
Why is the Soviet Sun so joyful in the morning ?
Because it knows that by evening it will be in the West.
Why doesn't the USSR start sending people to the Moon?
Because they are afraid they will become defectors.
What is the longest joke in the history of the world?
74 years of communism in Russia.
P.S 1000! Hell yah
Jesus Prime wrote:Good point. You sexy beast, you.
Mid-19th Century: Captain Obed Marsh explores Devil's Reef. Reputedly, he is searching for pirate treasure
how many dead babies does it take to cross a lightbulb with a polish submarine, and why do they cross the road?
8, because your mom.
8, because your mom.
A monkey riding a dog is probably the awesomest thing that could ever happen.
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
Contributors wanted! Fantastic Horror — Original Works of Disturbing Imagination
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Eternities End
- Deep One Spawn
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:29 pm
- Location: The Icy Land of Canada
i got a good one:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
and the spook.
8 ) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yea God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter
pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
and the spook.
8 ) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yea God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter
pulling contest at St. Taffy's.