Funny Ass Story!

[Eternities End]

I didn't write this...my freind did. I just feel like posting it for the hell of it.

Enjoy!

The man pulled his lips back in a distasteful grin. He held out both his matching 45.'s and knocked over a stool in the dark Neil & Bill's grill and bar. He wore a a black leather jacket that looked worn and tattered. His jeans were tight and his hair loose and haggard, along with his face. He was drunk.

"Whadja ya shay, boy?" He said with that sickly grin on, directed at Jake Hudson who now lay back on an empty pool table and stared at this crazy guy with terror. But behind his fear was a slight taste of amusement.

The man was drunk alright. Drunk and crazy enough to be ready to blow Jake's brains out over saying that his beer tasted flat. Which unfortunately had happened to be the guy's favorite brand.

"I'll blow ya the fuck out of this shit-hole dump, boy. Yesh, indeed fuck-shit."

The man cocked his guns and looked just about ready to follow through on his threat. His eyes were full of it.

Jake had come across plenty of drunks and crazy's like this across the desert known as the Junkyard. They always had too many beers in them to stand and had a slight knock of their block. So to speak.

"Nothing.." Jake said meekly. Maybe he could squeak by this one without too much fuss.

Maybe.

"Jushtya bullshit, fuck-shit. I ain't got a bloody reasheon why i shuda not blow you away right here, right now."

He stumbled towards Jake and took a shot. Then another. Both missed, due to his drunkenness, and shattered a light hanging from the ceiling and put a hole in the wall. Still he came forward and intent on doing harm. Jake assumed that he would have to get into a fuss, if he still wanted his life.

When the man came forward again, Jake struck the man's face with his boot then grabbed a pool stick and slammed it into his neck. The man stumbled back in surprise. He blinked and before he could react Jake had put his fist into the man's stomach. He fell over and crashed into a stool due to his lack of balance from impairment.

"You FUCKEN HORSHIT!!!!!!! I'LL BUST YOUR GUT, BOY!" The now angry drunk man said. But before he could raise his guns and tear down Jake in a hail of bullets, he had crashed another barstool into the man's head. He fell back down with a thud and either had passed out or was dead.

Finally Jake got a chance to look around the bar. People were staring at him with dulled silence. The bartender had slinked back behind the counter with one glass still in his trembling hands.

Jake grinned and handed him a hundred. "There," He said with the grin. "I think that should cover it."

He decided he could have a drink before the drunk guy woke up again so he sat down on one of the empty stools that wasn't broken and ordered a drink. Scotch on the rocks. The room fell silent again as if the whole ordeal had never happened, despite the man's passed out body on the floor.

The drink seemed to calm Jake's nerves and he began to relax. The cold alcohol rolled smoothly down his throat and he let out a breath. He was glad it hadn't lead to him having to pull out his own pair of 45.'s which would have wounded up in a brief but high-damage gun fight. And, of course, death. Something Jake figured he had enough on his hands with.

He remembered the Long Man back in the shack slums of the Junkyard. It had been a cold day, nearly like the one he sat in today. He had had to pull his jacket in close with his hands in his pockets, and his face down. He had bumped into nearly a dozen people and murmured apologies as he went. He was headed northeast at the time. To the mountains. It wasn't really the mountains he was was after but what was on the other side of them. It lead well out of the Junkyard desert wasteland and into the Mainland.

On his way he merrily bumped into a haggard man in black much like the one he brained earlier. But this guy was tall. Seven, eight feet? And he had a long black jacket that was not cheap leather at all but dark suede and his boots were a healthy expensive leather. All in black. He had the appearance of a hit man.

"Watch your step, lad." He had said while narrowing his eyes. "What is it you in such a hurry for anyways, old jack?"

"My name is not--" He had begun to say.

"Its an expression, lad. So then, answer me, where to?"

The man had a chilling feature about him. As if he held some dark secret that if found out would force him to commit murder. And Jake did not doubt he had done it before.

"The Mainland. This place is too dank and i need to get out." He had said simply, trying to squirm his way out of the man's gaze. The shadow man could see his uneasiness and grinned. He stuck out his hand and said, "I am known as the Long Man. Perhaps because of my height." His smile became a grin which almost seemed friendly. Almost.

Jake eyed him and took the mans hand and shook it, "Jake, Jake Hudson. Now if you excuse me--"

The Long Man looked harder at him as if Jake held some secret of his own. One he didn't know of or care for. And that gave him a greater chill.

"I think I can tag along, mate. I seem to be going to the Mainland myself. Could use some company." The shadow man said. The Long Man.

Jake had tried to protest as politely as he could but the man had insisted. Jake had finally given way to the man's unpleasant presence. If only I would watch my step! He had thought. I wouldn't be stuck with this freak.

So that was how Jake met the Long Man. Shadow Man by some. And it was a long journey before he had rid of him.

******************************************************************************************

On June 8, Jake Hudson had set out to the Mainland with the Long Man. They had come through the shack slums and wound their way past homeless and hungry people. Grass seemed to have gone extinct in this area. But the air smelled oddly clean. Jake could see small puffs of smoke from shacks little stoves to try and fight off the cold. But the only thing around here to burn was garbage. Wood was as rare as grass to come by. And he doubted any of them could afford it besides.

The shadow man stared down at Jake with intent eyes. He tugged on his black leather gloves and squinted his eyes. It gave Jake the constant feeling that he was being studied and was more like an animal under a microscope than a companion. Not that he considered this man a friend. The Long Man had remained silent for most of the time and occasionally cocked his head to look at a pretty woman putting up laundry or handling the garbage. Such a pleasant man.

It was June 10 that they finally came to the outer ring of the Junkyard but still somewhat short of the mountains. That night they stopped by a small rundown inn that looked more like a poor orphanage than anything else.

"We will stop here," The Long man had said. He seemed to direct control, even though Jake did not believe him to be his boss in any way. But he had been tired and didn't see much reason in arguing with the man.

The place had proved to have a cozy little affect on Jake. Like the warm summer kitchen he use to sit in while his mother cooked pies in the oven for desert, or pot roast for the main course. The sun would shoot through the clear window panes and light up his mothers hair in an almost angelic way.

"Ain't nothin like Sunday cookin, Jake." She had told him while she ran to get the kettle off the stove just as it began to squeal its high pitch voice to tell her that the water had boiled.

"Calms the nerves and puts you at ease. Here I can think of any thing my mind wants to ponder." She had then smiled at him through the haze of her kitchen, the smell of pies thick in the air. "I can tell you one thing, Jake. God has a purpose for all, and if my purpose is to just sit here and bake pies on a fine Sunday afternoon I am plenty happy with that. Just remember Jake, God watches over us all."

He had often wondered later in his life when he remembered her words. He wondered why so many bad things happen in this world. Why there were so many bad people if God was watching over everyone.

"It is in people's choices, Jake" She had told him when he had presented her with this question. "People can choose to accept what Lord may say, or to reject it. They choose what they allow in their minds."

A hell of a lot of people choose bad things, he had thought afterwards. And a hell of a lot of people choose evil in their minds.

People like the Long Man.

Sure he seemed fine, but Jake felt an uneasiness about the man. He walked stiffly, and his grin seemed to poke through his lips but never touched his eyes and it gave him a cold look. Unsettling if you look directly into those dark orbs he has for eyes.


To Be Continued...

[The_Violent_Aftermath]

lol wtf ok i wrote this and its not even finished, nor is it a short story. My friend posted it when he was drunk, so yah. =| and its not really funny..we were just well...xD

[Eternities End]

lol wtf ok i wrote this and its not even finished, nor is it a short story. My friend posted it when he was drunk, so yah. =| and its not really funny..we were just well...xD

Fist of all...hell ya its funny, and second of all theres emoticons on this forum...u dont need to use the lame ass alternitives XD

[The_Violent_Aftermath]

hey, i do not have to use your emotions all the time javascript:emoticon(':-D')