The Temple of Dagon

read it here

...don't be shy, folks...

i'm not asking for a review or anything. just let me know if you think the story is in danger of losing its momentum, or if there's anything out of whack with the narration. i'm trying not to overdo the ornamental language, but it seems kinda required for some of the subject matter....

i'm pretty sure i can wrap it all up in part 3, but it may spill into a sort of epilogue or something. please put in your 2¢ lest i build too much on a cracked foundation

I'll get reading it later, man, and let you know. I'm just busy with an RPG-slash-wargame I'm trying to come up with, but I'll get back to you on it.

I'm still hooked. There are a couple of minor rough spots that I tripped over, but the narrative continues to draw me in. Part 1 caught my interest with the intriguing setting and setup. Part 2 effectively draws a shadow of menace over it all (I love the lady in the park with the creepy twins).

Looking forward to the rest!

thanks for reading it.. be as specific as you want about those rough spots by the way. beta testers, that's what i need. so i can iron out all the embarrassing little bugs and sell it to microsoft. and then they can put their own bugs in it

I'd rather wait until the whole first draft is done. When's the final installment coming?

i'm about 3000 words into part 3.. this is where all the action comes in. my process is sputtering and inconsistent, so i can't estimate a good deadline. but if i don't stagnate, it shouldn't be long

i don't think it's necessary to have a separate thread for each part of the story.. aleister, can you please delete this thread (and if possible, move its contents into this thread)

thanks