The Temple of Dagon

I figure this is as far as I can get in this poems development, so I wanted to run it past y'all. So comment as you will, but one thing I'd like to know is all my facts are correct. I believe I have all the quotes to back up the statements in the poem except for the last bit, which is just my personal inferance of what would happen with some denizens of Earth.

Mythos Poem #1: A Tribute to Cthulhu

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange eons death may die,
Yet through endless time, the Great One rests, sublime, deep beneath the swells,
In sunken R’lyeh, where he dreams and dwells.

With astral alignment full freedom He’ll feel, when R’lyeh rises in the Immortal Deal.
And when the time is rightly so, the Great Cthulhu again will show,
His bulbous head inciting hysteria, fear and dread,
But, instead, will ignite the earth a blazing flame of revelry, without Him such the earth
would never see,
And so humans will be freed from their need for fame or greed.

Though some will cinder in the flames, making great religious claims,
Of allah, jesus, enki too;
Alas, their fate is to be judged by the Great Cthulhu.

i'm confused in the second stanza when you say 'but, instead...' do you mean there will be revelry and not hysteria upon cthulhu's awakening?

That's the line I've had the most trouble with. I know when Cthulhu awakens people won't care for him much, but I also remember reading in the Call of Cthulhu this line, "Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom."

I can't quite figure out how to make this aspect clear.

Mabey instead of,

"But, instead, will ignite the earth a blazing flame of revelry"

You could try,

"And, so, will ignite the earth in a blazing flame of revelry"

Just my two cents...

yeah, something like that..
2¢ + 2¢ = 4¢
this is exponential growth in cents!!!!!!

JJ Burke wrote:yeah, something like that..
2¢ + 2¢ = 4¢
this is exponential growth in cents!!!!!!

It's arithmetic growth. 2 + 2 + 2 = 6.
2^2^2 = 16.

And I really don't like the irregular cadence to it. What kind of metre are you trying to use?

aha, but the magical number 2 is both arithmetic and exponential in this case (2 + 2) = (2 x 2)
put it together and what do you get, bippity boppity boo +=x=+=x=+=x=x+x=+=Xx

I didn't use any real rhyming scheme, just trying to rhyme when I can. I'm not that great at poetry, so sticking to well rhyme schemes has always been hard.

Enkil wrote:I didn't use any real rhyming scheme, just trying to rhyme when I can. I'm not that great at poetry, so sticking to well rhyme schemes has always been hard.

The rhyme's not the problem, it's the metre, it's all over the show. No cadence. But the diction and your grasp of language are fine, they just seem more suited to prose, if you ask me.

The same interested me!