The Temple of Dagon

I have a question for the teeming masses of Americans who are outraged at the newest batch of "Non-Military" kidnappings in Iraq:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TURD MUNCHING NUMB-NADS DOING OVER THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

That having been said with all the passion of William Wallace shooting fireballs from his relatively robust anus, I will explain my apparently insensitive and asinine mind-set, for those undoubtedly pondering whether I should be mobbed by pokemon fans in the nude, holding firehoses...

Profiteering is a big fad these days, what with all those babies that were boomed back when. Everyone is saying aloud in melodramatic tones: "Iraq, land of oil, land of money on sand-covered bodies". I can understand the motivation for going over there as entrails and teeth embed themselves into the doorframes of the local Iraqi equivalent of a Motel 6. Greed has no geopolitical climate, and is a year-round enterprise. Don't blame Mcdonald's, because it is a pandemic, not isolated to the board room, as anyone with enough greed can sccumb to just about any depraved act known to mankind (including super size fries).

No, although I am apalled at the nature of capitalism, in a time when, whether you are an enemy or a friend of America, people are fucking dying, so Exxon's VP sends his nephew over to gather up the good stuff while the gathering is good.

The reason my ass is chapped in the same manner that a bear marks a tree by rubbing his hairy ass on it, is because many of these "kidnappee's of the week" are not soliders. They are not diplomats. They are not the Army Corps of Engineers. They are, in fact..what? TOURISTS WITH DAY TRADER AMBITIONS?

PEOPLE...ARE...DYING....IN...A...WAR...

I am not dumb enough to not realize some of these people that those masked supervillians keep detaining are somehow helping "rebuild" Iraq (let's face it, it has been being rebuilt for two thousand years, and the basement is still full of albino, hairless, hairlipped racoons), but for the love of romantic magnets in tights, WHY are all these so-called people being discussed on cable news by "extended family" members, who describe them as home-makers, or private citizens who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. for god's sake man, during the Vietnam War, did they have bus-tours through saigon for the bored upper-middleclass wives who were sexually frustrated because theit hubby was at Superstition Mountain raping small oriental children? FUCK NO!

There was a lengthy (2 pages) article in the Houston Chronicle recently about some evil woman who took her kids to a boarding house in Africa or some other similar location, then hopped it like Jumpin' Jack Flash over to "Iraq: Operation Iraqi Real Estate Orgy" to "cash in on opportunities" there. Her children were all different ages, and ended up abandoned in a boarding house in the middle of NO-FUCKING-WHERE, while mommy was over there getting her nestegg fattened. Come to find out, the bitch was on welfare, and had been laid off from her job for almost a year, and her kids were forcibly returned to Texas pending an investigation on the mother. HOW THE FUCK AND WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS WOMAN OVER THERE, IN A WAR ZONE?

My dear god in the bucket of cod, human beings are so fucking out there! FUCK!

I think you are scaring the forum users

Pretty mixed up pile ov words. If there would be a central idea to the rant the whole thing would be easily grasped. If all.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TURD MUNCHING NUMB-NADS DOING OVER THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

That pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter.

I don't want to see any of them get killed, but when it happens, I feel about as sorry for them as I do for the idiots who stick their hands in bear cages at zoos and then get mauled.

Adrian wrote:Pretty mixed up pile ov words. If there would be a central idea to the rant the whole thing would be easily grasped. If all.

The central point is: When at war, don't send Merry Maids into a fire-team area. DOH!

Aleister wrote:I think you are scaring the forum users

Isn't this a Lovecraftian site?

Good point

Yes but they come here for unearthly scares not earthly ones :D

I don't know, I think this topic sort of fits.

Personally, I think that Cthulhu must be controlling Bush like a sock puppet. I can't imagine how else Bush's brain could be so non-functional that he would have been wrong about the WMDs, the terrorist connections, AND the Iraqis welcoming us with open arms. Unless of course he's just a dumbass...

Well it is putting forward a political position that some readers might not agree with. We are trying to attract people to the site not drive them away.

No, you are each and every one of you full of it. The point was HUMOR. A humor rant. I wrote this in th sub-heading of the thread title. I apologize if anyone was offended, but I take a lighter view to this island earth than perhaps some of you do.

No, I was not making a political position or stance known, I was appealing to common sense and self-preservation.

When one here's of a war in a fareign land, logic would dictate that, if you are a non-combatant, you would avoid the conflict at all costs, to remain alive. Politics have nothing to do with common fucking sense.

Besides, I had a cousin over there up until recently, and I can see both sides of the comments made above my post here, but c-mon people, it was meant as a light-hearted banter......I already wrote my political manifesto on this shit 14 forums ago...

I wasn't offended at all. (I was refering to nortonew's comment not the original piece.

)It has always amazed me how stupid people can be when going on "exotic holidays". Frankly if they are daft enough to go to Iraq or another conflict zone on holiday and get captured/killed I have no sympathy.

When the bullets start flyign and brown people start falling, you acan always count on some nutcase to go over and try to benefit from the action; you just don't always hear about it.

they got what they deserved.