The Temple of Dagon

You're a young'un with some writing skills. Why don't you write it?

N. Lesser wrote:I know nothing, but here goes anyway:

I've read much worse printed material, yours has great potential. But I did find that the story was a little flat: no feel of direction. Perhaps it is too early to say because the lenght of the story is not known. Also, Robert's writing seemed too composed -- not meaning writing talent -- but that it would be better to be able to see in his writing the breaking up of language, as he starts to experience pretty weird stuff.

Yes, if what has been written so far was most of the story, then it would be directionless. I was definitely assuming that everything in the first section was mostly to set up background. Actually, that was one thing that struck me about the piece so far was that it hadn't gone anywhere definite, yet it was still engaging. A lot of things I've read would have really been difficult to keep reading by that point if I didn't have more of an idea as to what was going on.

JJ Burke wrote:hmm.. you're right, there isn't much direction in this part. i'm just trying to set up the weird circumstances that compel emiel to begin his investigation.

would be effective for robert to use broken-up language as he's writing about those experiences later, when he's had some time to think about them? this whole well-writing-teen thing is trickier than i thought

Perhaps "broken-up" language was a little too strong expression from my part; but it is truly difficult to say anything when only a part of the story is at hand.

Part II, please!

i'm on it! i just have to write a new opening for it, hopefully later today i'll have a good one. i've just been kept busier than i like lately

I have a serious question to raise at this point about the next parts. Will there be any monkeys riding on top of dogs?

i can neither confirm nor deny this

Yes, but you can make it happen!

update: after redoing the opening of part 2, i have become dissatisfied with almost all of the rest of it. i've got it up to about 2000 words right now, which is probably more than half done. i've been on a little roll for a couple of days, so hopefully i'll have it posted before everyone loses all interest..

Dont worry Burkings, everyone wont loose interest. this is the most interesting thing to happen on here since JP learned how to use the toilet properly.

Yep, all those many many years before this site opened.
Hell, was there even an internet back then?

i thought we were both writing stories at the same time.. whatever happened to your part 2?

i'm still hesitating at the climax of my part 3. i haven't been able to decide on the ending yet. i came pretty close to using a giant water bear as my monster.. ok, no, not really

but that would kick ASS

I don't know... What did happen to my part two? I am a lazy shit, after all.

unacceptable
you will write it now

No chance, I just bought DOOM3.

kids these days...................... ...... ... .. . .. .. . ... . . .