The Depths of Chaparral Heights

E.A. Lovecraft · Post by **E.A. Lovecraft** » Thu May 25, 2006 3:37 pm

You're a young'un with some writing skills. Why don't you write it?

nortonew · Post by **nortonew** » Thu May 25, 2006 6:04 pm

N. Lesser wrote:I know nothing, but here goes anyway:

I've read much worse printed material, yours has great potential. But I did find that the story was a little flat: no feel of direction. Perhaps it is too early to say because the lenght of the story is not known. Also, Robert's writing seemed too composed -- not meaning writing talent -- but that it would be better to be able to see in his writing the breaking up of language, as he starts to experience pretty weird stuff.

Yes, if what has been written so far was most of the story, then it would be directionless. I was definitely assuming that everything in the first section was mostly to set up background. Actually, that was one thing that struck me about the piece so far was that it hadn't gone anywhere definite, yet it was still engaging. A lot of things I've read would have really been difficult to keep reading by that point if I didn't have more of an idea as to what was going on.

N. Lesser · Post by **N. Lesser** » Fri May 26, 2006 6:55 am

JJ Burke wrote:hmm.. you're right, there isn't much direction in this part. i'm just trying to set up the weird circumstances that compel emiel to begin his investigation.

would be effective for robert to use broken-up language as he's writing about those experiences later, when he's had some time to think about them? this whole well-writing-teen thing is trickier than i thought

Perhaps "broken-up" language was a little too strong expression from my part; but it is truly difficult to say anything when only a part of the story is at hand.

Part II, please!

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Fri May 26, 2006 7:52 am

i'm on it! i just have to write a new opening for it, hopefully later today i'll have a good one. i've just been kept busier than i like lately

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Fri May 26, 2006 9:09 am

I have a serious question to raise at this point about the next parts. Will there be any monkeys riding on top of dogs?

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Fri May 26, 2006 9:46 am

i can neither confirm nor deny this

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Fri May 26, 2006 9:48 am

Yes, but you can make it happen!

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Wed May 31, 2006 2:24 am

update: after redoing the opening of part 2, i have become dissatisfied with almost all of the rest of it. i've got it up to about 2000 words right now, which is probably more than half done. i've been on a little roll for a couple of days, so hopefully i'll have it posted before everyone loses all interest..

Yog-Sothoth · Post by **Yog-Sothoth** » Wed May 31, 2006 3:32 am

Dont worry Burkings, everyone wont loose interest. this is the most interesting thing to happen on here since JP learned how to use the toilet properly.

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Wed May 31, 2006 3:09 pm

Yep, all those many many years before this site opened.
Hell, was there even an internet back then?

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 10:48 am

i thought we were both writing stories at the same time.. whatever happened to your part 2?

i'm still hesitating at the climax of my part 3. i haven't been able to decide on the ending yet. i came pretty close to using a giant water bear as my monster.. ok, no, not really

but that would kick ASS

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 2:01 pm

I don't know... What did happen to my part two? I am a lazy shit, after all.

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 3:05 pm

unacceptable
you will write it now

Jesus Prime · Post by **Jesus Prime** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:39 am

No chance, I just bought DOOM3.

JJ Burke · Post by **JJ Burke** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:14 pm

kids these days...................... ...... ... .. . .. .. . ... . . .