Another first shot...

Need writing advice? Want to share works in progress? Look here!

Moderators: mgmirkin, Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
Ulayoth
Neophyte
Neophyte
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:23 am
Location: NYC

Another first shot...

Post by Ulayoth »

I know I'm new, but I figure I could ask for a little feedback. This is also my first attempt at a strictly HPL-esque story. I have written some other stuff before, but mostly failed attempts at scifi. Hey, why not ask what you think of the writing style.


Edit: removed. Thanks for any feedback.
Last edited by Ulayoth on Fri Mar 14, 2008 4:34 am, edited 4 times in total.
User avatar
Grendelvs
Librarian
Librarian
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2006 11:42 am
Location: ATX
Contact:

Re: Another first shot...

Post by Grendelvs »

Ulayoth wrote:They required a place to hold their obscene rituals and sacrifices; their gods were numerous, and reputedly were from similar religions to theirs yet masked and renamed to suit their own puposes and culture.


it's hard to understand who you mean by the multiple instances of "their" in this sentence.
User avatar
Ulayoth
Neophyte
Neophyte
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:23 am
Location: NYC

Re: Another first shot...

Post by Ulayoth »

Grendelvs wrote:
Ulayoth wrote:They required a place to hold their obscene rituals and sacrifices; their gods were numerous, and reputedly were from similar religions to theirs yet masked and renamed to suit their own puposes and culture.


it's hard to understand who you mean by the multiple instances of "their" in this sentence.

Thanks. :P
Post Reply