Aimless Criticism

[nortonew]

As something of an exercise in futility, I thought I would pick apart and critize a horror-story so old that its author is far beyond being helped by any amount of helpful, (or just plain obnoxious), criticism. This is an old Russian folk-tale which struck me as being so freaky I just had to comment on it.

The Coffin Lid
A moujik was driving along one night with a load of pots. His horse grew tired, and all of a sudden it came to a stand-still alongside of a graveyard. The moujik unharnessed his horse and set it free to graze; meanwhile he laid himself down on one of the graves. But somehow he didn't go to sleep.

***Comment: He just decided to lie down on a grave because he was tired? What kind of freak is this guy? Does moujik mean "total weirdo" in Russian or something? Amazing how he somehow doesn't fall asleep lying on a grave in the middle of the night...

He remained lying there some time. Suddenly the grave began to open beneath him: he felt the movement and sprang to his feet. The grave opened, and out of it came a corpse -- wrapped in a white shroud, and holding a coffin lid -- came out and ran to the church, laid the coffin-lid at the door, and then set off for the village.

***Comment: Well, if I was the living dead, I know that the first thing I would do upon rising from my grave is find a church to leave my coffin lid at.

The moujik was a daring fellow. He picked up the coffin-lid and remained standing beside his cart, waiting to see what would happen. After a short delay the dead man came back, and was going to snatch up his coffin-lid -- but it was not to be seen. Then the corpse began to track it out, traced it up to the moujik, and said:

***Comment: Daring? I guess that is one way to describe it... (I still prefer "total weirdo").

"Give me my lid: if you don't, I'll tear you to bits!"

"And my hatchet, how about that?" answers the moujik. "Why, it's I who'll be chopping you into small pieces!"

"Do give it back to me, good man!" begs the corpse.

***Comment: Note to self - when sleeping on a grave, make sure I bring a hatchet. It seems to do wonders for adjusting the attitude of the undead.

"I'll give it when you tell me where you've been and what you've done."
"Well, I've been in the village, and there I've killed a couple of youngsters."

"Well then, now tell me how they can be brought back to life."

***Comment: Because you know, it only makes sense that if some monstrous undead creature kills people, there MUST be some way of bringing them back to life...

The corpse reluctantly made answer:
"Cut off the left skirt of my shroud, and take it with you. When you come into the house where the youngsters were killed, pour some live coals into a pot and put the piece of the shroud in with them, and then lock the door. The lads will be revived by the smoke immediately."

***Comment: Makes perfect sense to me.

The moujik cut off the left skirt of the shroud, and gave up the coffin-lid. The corpse went to its grave -- the grave opened. But just as the dead man was descending into it, all of a sudden the cocks began to crow, and he hadn't time to get properly covered over. One end of the coffin-lid remained sticking out of the ground.

The moujik saw all this and made a note of it. The day began to dawn; he harnessed his horse and drove into the village.

In one of the houses he heard cries and wailing. In he went -- there lay two dead lads.

"Don't cry," says he, "I can bring them to life!"

"Do bring them to life, kinsman," say their relatives. "We'll give you half of all we possess."

***Comment: This response would only make sense if all they possessed were two cells in an insane asylum...


The moujik did everything as the corpse had instructed him, and the lads came back to life. Their relatives were delighted, but they immediately seized the moujik and bound him with cords, saying:

"No, no, trickster! We'll hand you over to the authorities. Since you knew how to bring them back to life, maybe it was you who killed them!"

***Comment: Yeah, I suppose that would make sense, or at least as much sense as anything else in this story. I sure would hate to be a doctor in that village - "Since you knew how to cure his hemorrhoids, you must have caused them!" I can't help but feel they were just trying to weasel out of the "half of everything they owned" deal.

"What are you thinking about, true believers! Have the fear of God before your eyes!" cried the moujik.

Then he told them everything that had happened during the night. Well, they spread the news through the village; the whole population assembled and swarmed into the graveyard. They found out the grave from which the dead man had come out, they tore it open, and they drove an aspen stake right into the heart of the corpse, so that it might no more rise up and slay. But they rewarded the moujik richly, and sent him away home with great honor.

***Comment: Of course, later they realized that his story about the corpse was total crap and that he actually WAS responsible for the deaths, (temporary though they were). Moral of the story: Always go with you first instinct.

[Aleister]

Very unusual story.. where do I begin?

I wonder why the coffin lid was so important.. I probably would of just left it at the gravesite..

He must of just killed the children on some whim since he offered up the instructions to revive them without really that much of a struggle. He could of simply told the man to use the right side of his shroud, which as everyone knows, will destroy everyone in a 2 mile radius..

zombies...

[decadence]

I wondered about the coffin thing also.

Where exactly did you find this?