Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor of the Arkham Advertiser,
I have been following your publication’s reports on the ongoing trial of “The State of Tennessee vs. John Scopes” with increasing contemptuousness. While the pathetic and incongruous antics of William Jennings Bryant, and the various other droll spectacles ensuing in Dayton Tennessee, would normally be sufficient, in and of themselves, to inspire my derision, there is one additional reason that I find this case especially annoying. This reason is the simple fact that the litigants in the “Monkey Trial”, and their respective backers, are so strongly given to vitriol and intransigence – despite the fact that they are _both_ consummately, unmitigatedly, and utterly wrong.

In order to communicate the actual truth regarding the subject of human origins, I will be forced to disclose certain facts that I would not normally be willing to publicly air. I would ordinarily hesitate to impart this bit of erudition, not because of any sense of embarrassment or doubt, but rather due to the desire to avoid giving the general public the impression that I suffer from mental illness.

However, I have recently suffered certain unexpected misfortunes relating to my state of psychological well-being. These misfortunes were unexpected consequences associated with my recent academic forays into the rare books collection of the Library of Miskatonic University. The physical and behavioral manifestations of said consequences, (most notably a newly acquired penchant for screaming uncontrollably during the hours of darkness), have apparently impressed upon the local populace a notion that I am not a stranger to psychosis.

This notion, which my neighbors apparently have expressed to certain government officials, has resulted in my current residence within Arkham’s own esteemed institution of mental health. As I am already residing within the walls of an asylum, I now feel that I have acquired a certain measure of enhanced freedom in regards to the ideas that I dare to express. A certified lunatic need not fear so anemic a sanction as mere public castigation.

Therefore, feeling at liberty to divulge a measure of my accumulated knowledge, I will now offer your readers a brief summary of the true history of the human race. This synopsis will demonstrate the rather interesting circumstance that, while all participants in the trial in question are fundamentally wrong, they are also both marginally correct in certain aspects of their claims. These valid aspects are, specifically, 1.) The claim by one contender that humans were deliberately created by a higher being. 2.) The claim that humanity is closely related to simians and that the relationship is of an evolutionary nature.

I am sure that most people will be quite perplexed at my assertion that both of these items are factual. However, the feasibility of the concurrent validity of both of these statements will be clarified in the following narrative.

To begin with, let us first discuss the origins of humanity. Certain obscure texts, with which most of the populace will be completely unfamiliar, relate that the initial members of our race were the product of certain biological experiments undertaken by an ancient race that dwelled upon our planet in primordial epochs. Now when I say “ancient race” I do not mean an ancient race of humans, I am speaking of a wholly different race. This race bears no resemblance to any creatures existing in the world today, (or at least no completely intact, living creatures).

I am sure that the claim of the existence of such a race will be met by incredulity and vehement repudiation. I assure you that when I first came across records making this claim, I was totally unwilling to admit to even a scintilla of a possibility of the validity of such a doctrine; a concept such as this seemed completely absurd.

However, to my sincere bewilderment, I found that this claim was reiterated in a number of unrelated texts. Mind you, these texts were all of the greatest antiquity. In fact, these works are some of the most ancient writings known to human civilization. Moreover, in other documents of lesser antiquity, I encountered several corrupted versions of this narrative. After studying a series of these ancient tracts, I was amazed to realize that the creation myths of all major religions could be traced back to this one initial source. To be perfectly clear, I am stating that all of the creation myths known to mankind are simply various corruptions of this primeval account.

I am sure that many of the more fervent members of the religious institutions of our city will be horrified and outraged to encounter such a statement. Nevertheless, I can assure you that the scholarship that confirms my assertion is well documented and that any and all of you are welcome to check the accuracy of the research. Of course, to do so, you will need to achieve a rather daunting level of fluency in a number of the world’s most archaic and obscure languages. That being said, the proof is available to all those willing to undertake the necessary labors.

In addition to the purely literary evidence, I’m sure that the public will be gratified to hear that there are as-of-yet-unpublished archeological discoveries that have corroborated this account. These discoveries were made during a recent expedition to the Antarctic undertaken by scholars from our own Miskatonic University. Unfortunately, the professors involved in the discoveries are not willing to publicly announce their findings at this time.

The earliest accounts of humanity’s creation state that our ancestors were produced in an attempt to generate a race of creatures that would be suitable for the performance of various menial tasks. However, shortly after fabricating the first specimens of mankind, our creators came to the conclusion that humans were not capable of performing any useful undertakings. Thus, our forefathers were simply released into the wild to survive or perish as fate dictated.

The archeological findings that I mentioned previously also indicated the eventual fate of our makers. It appears that, over time, this advanced race degenerated into a degraded state, both physically and socially. This ancient race gradually lost its once great technological capabilities. Its members slowly retreated to their last remaining bastion. This last refuge was located on the Antarctic continent, which, at that time, was a temperate and fertile land. However, as you all know, Antarctica did not remain such a hospitable place. In the end, our creators perished in a frozen wasteland.

The most interesting facet of our creators’ eventual doom is that it seems to be a theme that is often repeated in other species. It is in this aspect of history that the champions of Evolution have made their most egregious miscalculation.

As most of you know, the proponents of the Theory of Evolution state that species tend to evolve from a lower to a higher form of being. Thus, they believe that humanity evolved from a more primitive ancestor, (not actually a monkey as is commonly believed, but rather a creature that is an ancestor of both humans and modern chimpanzees).

This hypothesis, however, conflicts with certain fundamental maxims. Most important among these maxims is the concept of entropy.

Entropy is the tendency of the universe to decay from a more energetic or complex state to a more inert and torpid state. This tendency appears to have been a major factor in the eventual downfall of the race that created humanity. It appears that all material beings will eventually degenerate from a higher state to a lower state, and eventually simply die out altogether. (This tendency, however, seems not to apply to certain entities that are not altogether material in nature. That being said, this portion of the topic is a divergence I do not wish to follow at this time).

This tendency of races to degenerate is the aforementioned linkage betwixt humanity and our simian kindred. To be perfectly clear, what I am stating is that humanity did not evolve from monkeys but rather, monkeys evolved from humans.

To further clarify I should state that monkeys evolved from an earlier species of humanity that was also a common ancestor to ourselves. It appears that the human specimens that were released by the creator race were actually not quite like modern humanity in every detail. The original specimens of the human race were, basically, superior to us in every way.

Whereas most people imagine early humans as fairly backwards, maladroit troglodytes, they were actually more like the nadir of human perfection. It is fairly safe to state that our original ancestors were the brightest and most beautiful of all people to ever exist. Unfortunately, our race undertook a rather significant downturn in all later generations.

Again, I am sure that my readers will be disinclined to countenance claims such as these. However, this concept is not one that I conceived myself. I would direct all interested parties to examine the work “Ueber die Auflosung der Arten durch Naturliche Zucht-wahl”, a German scientific treatise. This work was written by a Hanoverian scholar. I do not recall the gentleman’s name at this time. Unfortunately, I am unable to consult my records for his name, as my physicians feel that access to my research materials would dangerously exacerbate my condition.

To quote a recent critique of the treatise, “He [the author] shows, with great ingenuity, that Darwin was wholly mistaken in tracing man back to the ape. On the contrary, he maintains that it is the ape that is evolved from man. He shows that, in the beginning, mankind were morally and physically the types and prototypes of our present Race, and of our human dignity, by their beauty of form, regularity of feature, cranial development, nobility of sentiments, heroic impulses, and grandeur of ideal conception…. The Book is copiously illustrated with diagrams, tables, etc. It asserts that the gradual debasement and degradation of man, morally and physically, can be readily traced throughout the ethnological transformation down to our time. And, as one portion has already degenerated into apes, so the civilized man of the present day will at last, under the action of the inevitable law of necessity, be also succeeded by like descendants.”

This theory is born out by several facts that should be well known and recognized by the average citizen of Arkham. First off, there is a remarkable occurrence of myths of past Golden Ages in every culture on Earth. It seems that every civilization in existence retains a residual memory of our forefathers’ superiority to ourselves. Secondly, Christians will no doubt be aware of the biblical accounts of the incredible longevity of the first members of the human race. In addition, all societies have ancient legends of heroes that accomplished feats far beyond the capabilities of any human existing in modern times.

The Theory of Evolution has as one of main tenets the tendency of the “most fit” to survive. It is this tendency that produces the phenomenon of each generation being more fit for survival than its predecessor. However, it can be easily demonstrated that single celled organisms are capable of easily surviving in many environments that would quickly destroy a human. Moreover, there are no environments in which a human can more easily exist that a microbe. Therefore, in obedience to the law of survival of the fittest, life tends to spiral down towards the simplicity of the single celled organism, (and eventually beyond that to the ultimate simplicity of non-existence).

Now, the discerning reader may well ask, “If apes and monkeys are descended from humans, and if nature tends to force all of humanity towards such de-evolution, why do some humans still exist?”

The answer to that question is two-fold in nature. The first piece of the answer lies in the environment in which our ancestors existed. The second piece of the answer, surprisingly enough, involves the interference of certain non-human intelligent entities that have managed to temporarily thwart the natural tendencies of biological reality for purposes of their own.

Concerning the more mundane environmental factors, an examination of the distribution of our simian kin upon the face of this planet will provide a clue as to how environment can play a part in the degeneration of humankind. If one contemplates the areas of the world map were primates are most concentrated, it quickly becomes apparent that the tropical latitudes seem to be their normal habitat. As these beasts appear to prefer these regions, it is logical to suppose that they have evolved to exist in these regions. The observation that these areas tend to produce an evolutionary bias favoring the development of such creatures as monkeys tends to indicate that these areas exert the strongest de-evolutionary influences.

The warm areas of the Earth tend to team with apes, chimps, monkeys, and similar beasts, while the more temperate regions harbor very little of this type of life form. Meanwhile, the artic regions are utterly devoid of primates, (with the notable exception of mankind itself).

Thus, it would seem that mankind most quickly degrades into lower life forms in the equatorial regions. This concept will be plainly reinforced when one notes the differences between a man who resides in the more algid regions and a man that dwells in lands of sweltering heat. The diligent observer will plainly note that men living in the cooler climes have a much greater tendency towards industriousness.

Since antiquity, observers have noted differences between people living in the tropics and those living in temperate zones. In 350 B.C., the Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote, “Those who live in a cold climate are full of spirit.”

The question of climate was considered in Adam Smith’s “Wealth of Nations”, published in 1776. His conclusions were similar. It is plain that the nations existing in the cooler latitudes show a strong tendency to possess more developed infrastructures, a much greater level of industrialization, and workers of greater skill and superior education.

To a certain degree, this is something of a conundrum. The tropical zones produce weather that is obviously more suited to crop production than is the weather of the temperate zones. This ease of food production would, one might imagine, cause those areas to produce vast empires. The ease of food production would also free up a larger portion of the huge populace, allowing for many workers to concentrate on labors that would advance society in many ways. However, tropical societies tend to be smaller, more disorganized, less wealthy, less educated, and technologically undeveloped.

The primary reason for the lack of development and modernization within the warmer climes appears to be closely linked to the comparative ease of survival in those areas. The sheer lack of challenge in the struggle to survive appears to promote a certain weakness in the human will and efficacy. The ability to propagate and survive with little exertion apparently causes humans to become lax and shiftless. This indolence, in turn, contributes to the dissolution of the moral fiber, diminishing of general character, impairment of higher cognitive functions, and even the debasement of the physical construction.

In short, mankind simply evolves towards the form most capable of surviving in the warmth, the lush vegetation, and the abundance of food. It appears that in such surroundings, the form most suited to survival is not a man, but an ape.

However, as I stated earlier, there are beings in existence that have found that they gain some measure of benefit from the existence upon this world of a race capable of at least a modicum of intelligent reasoning. These beings have found a use for mankind and therefore have taken a hand in preventing mankind from sliding further down the evolutionary ladder.

These non-human intelligent entities, as I had earlier termed them, exist in a situation that will be difficult for the average reader to comprehend. These creatures, for the most part, do not exist completely in our reality. Although this concept may seem rather abstruse, suffice to say that these beings do not have access to our world, but sincerely wish to achieve ingress.

These creatures have, in the past, used members of our race as vectors via which certain aspects of the fabric of reality were weakened. Such a weakness in the ‘existence continuum’ can produce a point where the entities are able to breach the barriers between themselves and our world. It is apparent that, having accomplished this feat in the past, these entities are desirous of effecting even larger breaches in the future.

For a human to be able to act upon the nature of reality, so as to bring about such effects, that human needs to possess a certain rudimentary level of acumen. Thus, these beings have found it necessary to prevent humanity’s degeneration to an unusable level of intellectual ineptitude.

As I have discussed earlier, the region in which a population resides is a strong determinant factor in the rate of degeneration of that population. Therefore, the extra dimensional beings undertook an effort to introduce innovations and practices into the minds of humanity that would tend to motivate us, and enable us, to migrate to more temperate latitudes.

These advances in human civilization tended to be along such lines as shipbuilding, agriculture, trade, government, writing, metallurgy, stonecutting, and even the production and use of fire. This assertion may sound ridiculous. The idea that humanity’s most basic accomplishments were not actually accomplished by humanity may seem, on its face, to be groundless.

In truth, the assertion that all of these basic arts were given to humanity by outside entities is strongly supported by the most ancient historical accounts known to our kind. Anyone familiar with classical mythology will be cognizant of the tale of Prometheus, the titan that gave us fire. In addition, Saturn was said to have taught mankind agriculture. Other deities were reputed to have gifted men with various arts as well.

This theme is repeated in the mythology of many other races. Ptah was said to have taught the Egyptians the art of building with stone. The Hindu god Divodasa Dhanvantari taught his human students the art of Ayurveda, or, as it is known to westerners, medicine. The Book of Enoch recounts the arrival of a group of “angels” that taught men every skill from writing to the proper use of eyeshadow. Most notably, these beings also instructed humanity in the use of magic.

>From the “abhorrent ones” of the Sumerians, to the mythical Huang-Ti, or “Yellow Emperor”, of the Chinese, (reputedly a “Son of Heaven”), to the Aztec great winged serpent, Quetzalcoatl, human memory is rife with entities that appeared from outside of normal reality and proceeded to teach mankind important skills. It was the mastery of these skills that allowed man to leave the tropics and expand to other portions of the globe – portions of the globe where the challenging environments would help prevent humanity from sinking into lower simian forms.

However, a careful reading of the earliest records of humanity will make it plain that these supernatural beings were not satisfied with simply giving mankind the means to escape from the steamy jungles. Apparently, it was also necessary to shore up the constitution of humankind via the addition of potent and extrinsic materials into our gene pool.

The validity of this statement is demonstrated in accounts such as: -Legends of pagan gods, such as Zeus, mating with humans -Old Testament tales of “Sons of God” mating with women to produce giants -Satyrs and nymphs seducing humans -Witches copulating with devils -Incubi and Succubi raping humans in their sleep -Strange accounts of non-human, sometimes invisible, supernatural entities somehow inducing pregnancies in virgins -Rumors concerning certain nearby municipalities

References to the progeny produced from these occurrences are also rampant in the legends of humanity. Many of the ancient ruling lineages of mankind claimed descent from “the gods”. Renown heroes, such as Hercules, were said to be only half-human. Meenakshi, a princess recorded in Hindu Mythology, was born with three breasts, fish-shaped eyes, and a fishy smell due to her “divine” parentage. There are also many accounts of “changelings”, children that eventually are recognized as not completely human.

It is notable that many of the world’s cities were, according to legends, founded by people who were the children of supposed “gods”. Many of the world’s greatest cities, alternately, had their origins as trading posts founded by Phoenician traders. In addition, an examination of many lettering systems in the western half of the globe show that most alphabets are based on the original Phoenician letters. This is notable due to the fact that the Phoenician rulers claimed to be descendants of the god Dagon. This reinforces the theory that there is a pattern of supernaturally inspired agents seeking to impose civilization upon humanity.

The ancient gods of humanity also introduced the practice of human sacrifice. Although there are actually several reasons behind the desire of these beings for the ritualistic killings, one often-overlooked reason is the need to prune and trim out elements from humanity that bore undesired characteristics. Thus, the priests of the ancient gods selectively bred humanity according to the instructions of their deities.

Using techniques such as I have related, humanity has been biologically manipulated into the beings that we are now. This effort on the part of the ancient gods is even now attaining its goal. One of mankind’s most recent innovations, electricity, is already beginning to have a marked effect on the stability of the nature of reality.

For years now, humanity has been stringing lines of electrically charged wires across the face of the planet. The electro-magnetic fields produced by these networks of wires have begun to interfere with a more ancient form of energy network. This ancient energy network has only recently been discovered by certain scholars. These scholars have dubbed these energy patterns “ley-lines”.

The purpose of these ley-lines is to act as part of the seal set in place to imprison the hostile entities that bide their time in places outside of normal reality. Our erection of an alternate, and obstructing, energy pattern is weakening the ley-line system to a dangerous point.

Certain scholars have also recently begun to theorize that the most fundamental elements of nature could possibly be manipulated to produce energy on a momentous scale. I strongly suspect that this manipulation of the very fabric of reality may be the final key that will unlock all of the gates to the outer realms.

However, I am not relating this information as a warning to humanity. Humanity has unfailingly proven itself to be heedless of any and all warnings, no matter how dire. My purpose in revealing this information was merely to point out the fact that the two sides in the debate now raging in Tennessee are both no better than jabbering halfwits.

Thank you for your kind attention, Dr. Hubert Eschat, PhD Professor of Anthropology Miskatonic University (Currently on Sabbatical leave)


Dear Dr. Eschat,

We reget to inform you that our Editorial staff has been forced to reject your letter for publication in our editorial column. This decision was due to two factors. First, your letter exceeded the 200 word maximum size required by our policies. Second, the Arkham Advertiser has an additional policy prohibiting us from publishing any letters written by a person currently residing within a mental institution. However, we thank you for contacting us. We hope that you will continue to find value in our publication.

Sincerely, Editorial Staff The Arkham Advertiser

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