A sort of Cthulhu Story........First part up.

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A sort of Cthulhu Story........First part up.

Post by Yog-Sothoth »

hey you guys, i am kindof working on some sort of fan-fic or just basic Story about Cthulhu. its supposed to be a sort of Modern take on Call of Cthulhu, except there is alot of difference in what happens in the story, Except for the part where Cthulhu chases the boat accross the Pacific, that i threw in just to show what Cthulhu will do if you try to run. i'll post the Current parts of the Fanfic that i have down in an hour or so. comments on this?
Last edited by Yog-Sothoth on Wed Nov 30, 2005 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Jesus Prime »

I'll reserve judgement until I read it - good writing can up a poor plot, and bad writing can drag down a good one, so it's impossible to tell until I see it.
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Post by Yog-Sothoth »

okay, here is the first part to it. note that there is a scene in there that is simmilar to simons necronomicon, and another that has an eerie relation to Call of Cthulhu. i have no name for it yet, i was calling it Cthulhu Rising, but ive decided that that might not work, so any suggestions for a name would be helpful/greatful.




____________________________________________________________
Of All my years as an Archaologist, i had never seen a find this huge.
My name is Achilles Morinstar, i am an archaologist, and am on a Journey to an island that has risin from underwater, Supposedly overnight.
"Well isnt it great to be on an adventure such as this?" Mr.Thompson said.
"Yes, this will help further our quest for knowledge of the earth." i said.
we were on a boat. just a small little motor boat, large enough to carry us and our equipment.
"let it be known that we are the first people ho will walk on this extrordinary place!" said Matt Holloway, the Archivist of the occult arts.
Why would we need an occult archivist? Many people belive that this is the lost island of Ry'leh, where the Cthulhu,(ku-tool-who), a Fictuous Diety created by the American writer H.P. Lovecraft. Holloway was an intriguing man, bound by the quest for his magical knowledge in his never ending quest to become a master of the Occult arts.
"Were coming up to the island now, gentleman, we will be there shortley" said Mr.Thompson. i looked at the island, it was like any average island, sand, trees, but something that didnt look familliar. on the far off reaches of the island i saw some things that looked like ancient pillars, like they were part of a temple or a crypt. we got closer to the island and i got a better look the island. they were pillars, but we were to far to make out the markings.
"what are those over there?" i asked.
"why those look like parts of an ancient temple" Mr.Thompson said.
"hrmm..... this helps my thought that this could be the lost island of Ry'leh, but i still doubt it." Matt said.
"the water is getting a bit more shallow, we ought to get out in the row boat and row the rest of the way." Mr.Thompson said.
we droped the anchor of the boat, lowered the row boat and got into it along with our cameras and notepads. we began to head towards the island, un-sure of what we would find, but had a good idea.
As we stepped out of the boat, we were amazed at the sight of this island.
"wow, amazing" i had muttered.
"yes, it is verry interesting" Mr.Thompson said.
"hrmm... the Sand seems rougher than usual. Lets get our equipment off" Matt said.
we began to unpack all of our stuff, our cameras, our note books, our entire campsite, and Holloway's occult stuff.
we set up camp the rest of that morning, pitching the tent, setting up a fire, and everything else.
"lets go Head out towards those ruins we saw. whih diretion were they ing?" i asked.
"umm.... here, to the west" matt said.
we began to walk through the small jungle of the island. we walked up to a tree whih had a symbol on it. we couldnt make out what it was beause of the aging on it.
"this tree is aging rapidly. a tree couldnt have possibly grown and then died that fast" Mr.Thompson stated.
we headed on forward, getting closer to the ruins. the ground had turned to stone and moss, and we knew we were getting closer. a few hours later, we had reached the ruins.
"wow, they look Amazing!" i said.
"they look like early Mesopotamian. pretty old" Matt said.
"i would have to say a mix of aztec and Mesopotamian ruins, just look at those markings" Mr.Thompson said.
"theese markings look like the ones in the Necronomicon" Matt said.
"ohh? what do they say, matt?" mr.Thompson said in a sarcastic voice.
"hrmm......this one is the forty-fourth name, KINMA, Judge and Lord of the gods, at whos name they quake in fear." he said.
"heh, funny, even though the Necronomicon was just an invention by H.P. Lovecraft." Mr.Thompson said.
"hey, Jack, Shut up, you know the Necronomicon is real, you saw it!"
"i...i...i didnt see it... and dont call me by my first name." Mr.Thompson said.
"wait... what is your whole name Mr.Thompson?" i asked.
"Edward Von Jackolov Thompson the 3rd." he said.
"okay... weird" i said.
we walked towards a circle on the floor, it looked prety weird and creepy.
"this circle........its the Seal of the West Gate. we Must not pass this. ever." matt said.
"lets turn back, its getting late" i suggested.
"Okay, ltes go back" mr.thompson said.
we headed back towards the campsite, past every little marking we made.
once we got back to camp, the sun went down and it was 11:30.
we had a small dinner, Turkey, Peas, And Wine. we settled down and went to bed around 1:30. some time later, when everyone was asleep, i woke up to the sound of footsteps. i looked towards the sound and saw 4 Figures with torches walking down the trail we had made.
i had Secretly followed them to a stone that was a mile behind the ruins we saw. the giant Stone had three markings on them, all right down the center. i backed into a bush and waited to see what the 4 figures were doing.
I could see clearly now that the three carvings on the stone were glowing a flame red color, as though the rock were on fire. the figures were murmuring together in prayer or invocation, of which only a few words could be heard and theese in some unknown toung; though, God have mercy on my soul, these rituals were known to me.
From beneath the floating rock, out of the very ground where it had sat, came rising the Tentacles of an Octopus. the thinnest section thereof was fully that of the width of a Sewer well, if not larger, and as it rose from the earth it was followed by another. These were followed by still more, and the ground began to tremble under the pressure of so many of these enormous tentacles. the chanting of the priests, for i knew them now to be the servants of some hidden power, became much louder and verry nearly hysterical.

IA!IA! ZI AZAG!
IA!IA! ZI AZAKAK!
IA!IA! KUTULU ZI KUR!
IA!

the ground where i was hiding became wet with some substance, being slightley downhill from the scene i was witnessing. I touched the wetness and found it to be blood. In horror, i held my scream in, seeing the sight of blood was something that i was accustomed to, but not when the blood was coming from the ground in large doses. i kept to myself and sat back in the blood, still looking at the priests of this unknown force.
they raised their arms towards the floating rock, chanting something louder and louder. beneath them, a flame red sort of light began to flash, causing more blood to flow outwards towards me. a giant gust of wind was coming out from the rising boulder, causing the figures robes to be torn off and flow with the wind. they were monsterous demons, their eyes glowing red, horns that looked like a Baphomets, huge teath that looked like a sabertooths, bloody bodies that looked like a man turned inside out. they were horrible. the red light grew more darker, then a giant flash came from it, the wind picked up more and more. something began to rise from the unholy ground, it looked like a giant gate. it rose completly, and settled below the rock, just touching it. they began to chant louder, calling on a beast known as IGIGI. the doors of the gate began to open, a blinding white light came from the inside of the gate.
Several tentacles began to come out from the gate. they were green and looked rubbery, but looked like an octopusses tentacles. i was frightend at the sight of something coming from the gate that was brought to the surface by demons. suddenly, a hand came out from the gate. a giant hand, it was, green and rubberly, like latex, but slimy, it had large nails, and tentacles coming out from around it. it began to pull itself forward and another hand grabbed out onto the other side of the fully opend gate. it began to pull itself out, and a leg came out of it, stopping at a kneeling position with its supposed left leg. it looked the same as the hand, but a demonic type foot, still green and rubbery, but with hundreds more green tentacles coming out from the gate. in a moments notice, this things giant head began to come out from the gate. it looked like a caricature, large, fat and bulbus green and skin like rubber, it pulled its monsturous face out of the gate and gave a loud roar. it face looked like giant Red eyes that had the fear of the devil in them, a giant large toothed mouth that was covered by tentacles extending from his upper lip. wings began to come out of gate, large green bat like wings connected to the back of this monster. it was fully out, in a crouching position, slowly rising up and giving out the loudest roar i have ever heard. i gave out a scream as loud as i could. the demons that were summoning this beast turned and looked in my direction, stoping what they were doing. as they turned and looked towards me, the demon extended his collosal arm and smaked the demons clear of the face of the earth. i gave out another scream, the beast looked towards the sky and roared into the clear night sky. i had remembered my camera that i had brought and took a quick snapshot or two of this monster. it began to fly into the sky, and went off, away from the island. i ran back towards camp screaming, still remembering the sight of the monster, and awoke my coleauges. i began to scream and tell them what i saw.
"You guys! You Guys! Wake up!" i screamed to the sleping logs in the tents.
"augh, what do you want Achilies? people are trying to sleep at...... three Fourteen in the morning" Matt said, awaking grogily out of a sound sleep.
"you guys! i saw something! something huge!"
"what was it, boy?" Jack asked, his toupe on backwards.
i began to explain what i saw, five hooded figures that were demons, glowing rock, huge gate, monsterous Demon and all, and they stared at me. then i explained one word that i remembered the Demon preist's were saying.
"Ctulu" i said.
"Cthulhu?" Matt Said.
"Yes, Cthulhu, that what i remember them saying right before the demon exited the gate and flew off"
"ohh my god........this...this....this is Ry'Leh" matt said, being stricken with fear.
"what the hell is RyLeh, matt?" Jack asked.
"its the lost island that the Sleeping Beast, The Cthulhu, slept. it was said that he would arise some day by his followers who would raise the island from its grave. i think those hooded figures you saw were his followers." matt said.
"where could it have gone?" i asked.
"it could be anywhere on earth, getting ready to destroy this earth"
"so what should we do?" jack asked.
"we can stay here and read upon the Ruins and learn to defeat it, or we could resort to the military trying to destroy this. i think we should stay here"
"were not gonna do anything, you have no proof of this things exhistance, unless you have proof, were gonna leave and get back to our normal lives" Jack had said. i pulled out the poleroid picture i had taken of the beast and showed it to them.
"were leaving right now" jack said, hurriling along to pack up the camp and suplies.
As we rowed back to the larger Yacht, we saw something unimaginable rise up from behind the Island.
"CTHULHU!" Matt Yelled towards me and Jack who had just entered the yacht.
"FIRE UP THE MOTOR, JACK!" i screamed, pointing at the Gigantic Beast stepping over the huge island of Ry'leh.
"ITS WALKING TOWARDS US, JACK! PUNCH IT!" Matt had said. Jack put the motor in full force forward, trying to escape the giant beast.
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE BEAST FLEW AWAY FROM THE ISLAND!" Jack Yelled as the Loud ripping waves coming from the Cthulhus Mightey Steps Raged against The boat.
"IT MUST HAVE CAME BACK DURING OUR PACKING UP LAST NIGHT!" i screamed back, the boat going Faster and Faster, trying to escape the giant beast. he still came , following us through the water of the Pacific Ocean. he was so enourmous, that only his legs were under water. he began to chase us for over an hour, we were still very very far away from land in California, even though south america is just right there.
"WE GOTTA TRY AND STOP HIM!" Jack screamed, pulling out a secret weapons Cache from underneath the floorboards in the Stern of the ship. i rushed out from my viewpoint on the ship, and Picked up a verry large Six Barreled Automatic Gattling Gun with several thousand rounds and aimed it towards the Cthulhu. Jack picked up an old looking M1 Rifle, and Matt pulled out a huge Barrett M82A1 AMR. we aimed as good as we could, and Opend fire at the Beast, cthulhu, barley hitting it at all. It Roared and ran faster towards us, getting closer and closer, no matter how fast we went.
"KEEP FIRING!" Captain Jack yelled to us from his position on the Northern Mast.
"HES GETTING CLOSER, JACK!" matt yelled, knowing that our small futile bullets would not hurt him.
"THAT CAPTAIN JACK ON THIS SHIP, BOY!" he screamed, the cthulhu still getting ever so close. he came closer, and closer, and closer. 4000 feet, 2000 feet, 500feet, his Giant, Green, Tentacled Arm Reached out towards us and then....... he got us.
We Awoke sometime later in the day, laying on a rock back on the island. but this time, it didnt seem like the island. it felt as if we were in Green Gelatin, it smelled like a sort of Evil and Disgusting stench that stank with the smell of a thousand Barns. i got up while Matt and Jack were still passed out on the rock. i whiped off alot of the sand that was on my back and hair. i looked in the direction of the sun and it was not there, but for some reason it still seemed like day. It was then that i noticed a glowing green horizon beyond the trees. i headed in their direction, running through trees, bushes, and thick vines until i came to the edge of a gate. this was a stone gate with an Arch on it that said something that looked like Roman Letters. it read out "RY'LEH" in indigionous letters. i pushed on the giant stone door of the gate, and Gazed upon what i saw. It was not Cthulhu, it was not Demonic, it didnt even look like a demonic place. it looked more like heaven, except everything was green and glowing, it was a giant beautiful City that did not seem like a place Cthulhu would dwell, it was too beautiful. i ran back into the woods, towards the rocks where Matt and Jack were. they were awake and standing, looking at me with a watchful eye.
"You guys, theres a city beyond theese trees!" i said.
"theres no city beyond theese trees, we sunk at sea, and we are back on the uninhabited island" jack said.
"it could be possible that there was a city and we completley disregarded it." matt said.
"Achilles, lead us toward this City of 'Magic' and 'Wonder'." jack said.
i looked at him with a watchful eye, and led them both towards the gate that led into that beautiful city.
"Ry'Leh..." Matt stated, looking at the Gates Arch.
"What?" Jack asked.
"This gate leads into Ry'leh, The City of Cthulhu and the Outer God Yog-Sothoth, and was also the Portal into the Dreamlands for the Average man." Matt stated.
I pushed the gate open and showed them the wonderful city. they both Stared in awe and we headed in.
_________________________________________________________________________
well thats a part of the story, i havent been able to think of anything next. please comment on this, suggest a name, or something. On a final note, some, if not alot, of the spelling in here might be incorrect, if so just point it out and i will fix it.
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Post by Jesus Prime »

I'm not going to lie to you, I don't like the dialogue. It's best kept for novels if it's to be used to such an extent.
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Post by Yog-Sothoth »

ahhh, so thats one of the problems.....hrmm...... that whole gun part where they are all talking, i shouldnt have written..... it sucks. well, this is sort of...to...be.... a.. novel...... okay, ill start writing up the next part to it. im not gonna lie to ya, there will be dialouge....hrmm... maybee i should re-write this into a form of a Journal, but then it would clash too much with Call of Cthulhu, what should i do, dude? and one final thing, are you, Alister, & Adrian the only members who actually use this forum?
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Post by nortonew »

I hate to be negative Yog, but the story was a bit of a cliche. The dialog was pretty shallow, and not terribly believable for the situation. The spelling, grammar, etc really would need a lot of work by a good editor.

Its pretty good for a first try though. I would suggest trying to come up with a more original storyline for your next try, however. Before you bother to start writing another story, you might want to have an ending in mind. Its a good idea to have a rough outline of a story to begin with. If you just try to start writing a story with no idea of where its going to go, there is a good chance it will go nowhere.
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Post by Yog-Sothoth »

yeah, bassicly Cliche. its not finnished, but i guess ill Discontinue it. hrmm........ maybee i should stray from Cliche, and do that Clash of the Gods i was thinking about.
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Post by Aleister »

In case you did not know, the Temple actually has a site where people can post their own work. The public archives section. (Link is on the main page).

It lets you create an account, and upload your work. Others can then comment on it.

Of course if you do use it, you are more than welcome to still post for opinions in the forum.

The forum is ok too though. Just making sure you know about all the options available ;)
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Post by Jesus Prime »

If memory serves, you need to put a better chapter system into place up there, Al.
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Post by Adrian »

and one final thing, are you, Alister, & Adrian the only members who actually use this forum?

I use it when it's any use to me. Basically when I came to ToD I hadn't been published anywhere and wrote in English which is my second language. Then here I hooked up with Nickolaus, who helped me along. I feel now that I've accomplished my main goals through getting published. That's why I'm not as active as a year ago maybe but that doesn't mean the forums are useless to me. It's the one sure place I know I can talk Mythos to people who know their Arabic Horrors and Shapeless Shapes That Look Like Hindu Gods. What I mean is I take it easy 8)
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Post by Yog-Sothoth »

can i buy pot from you? :p

no seriously, could you help us get a publisher for whats coming along in the making? wqe are going to be puting up the works of the mythos, the art, and the Stories and poems in the public Archives into one great Temple of Dagon Anthological book?
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Post by Adrian »

This has been talked about in the Getting Published thread if I'm not mistaken.
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Post by Yog-Sothoth »

do we always have to be on topic? noone else browses here but us
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Post by Jesus Prime »

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM?
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Post by JJ Burke »

Aleister wrote:In case you did not know, the Temple actually has a site where people can post their own work. The public archives section. (Link is on the main page).

It lets you create an account, and upload your work. Others can then comment on it.
would the archive allow me to update stories after they're posted (works in progress)?
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