Can I Cause Madness? (under work)

[MikeFS]

Here's the beginning to a song I thought up, which I'm still working on. It's a parody of Iron Maiden's 'Can I Play With Madness?', and I'd like to know how the beginning's like. I'm still studying the mythos to get inspiration, but this one's a pretty simple piece. It's a little song about a cultist trying to raise Cthulhu and asking Nyarlathotep if he'll ever be able to do this (if I recall correctly, Nyarlathotep was the one who liked to interact with humans).

Can I Cause Madness?
by MikeFS!

Can I cause madness?

Give me the sense to power,
To power my holy quest,
Give me a sense of power,
That of all, I'm best,
Give me the strength to raise my god up,
From his watery grave,
Gonna consult the Messenger,
When my god rises from the waves

(Chorus)
Can I cause madness?
The Messenger listened at my plea,
Can I cause madness?
And I wondered if I'd be free,
Can I cause madness?
The Messenger stared and laughed at me (ha ha) he said:
Can I cause madness?
He said you're a fool, a fool to ask me

That's all I've gotten so far for the song. Basically, the song continues with Nyarlathotep killing the cultist for bothering him with something so trivial, but I'm still working on that part. Being my first attempt at mythos literature, it probably won't be the best work you've seen, but I like to hear constructive criticism, so tell me what you think!

[E.A. Lovecraft]

Not sure Nyarly killing a cultist working for the cause makes much sense.

You may have better luck changing Maiden's "Fear of the Dark" into "Fear of the Duck."

Fear of the Duck.
Fear of the Duck.
I have a phobia that waterfowl's near.

Hey, you never know until you try.

[Aleister]

It's hard for me to decide if I like lyrics unless I at least have a general idea of what the song would sound like.

I don't remember hearing that one, but I was never much of an Iron Maiden fan. Closest is Cradle of Filth's cover of 'Hallowed be thy name' - now thats a cover!

[Vagant]

Hi folks. Try this one for size:

"Day Of Upheaval

What trembling there will be,
When the welkin falls
When blood drains the earth –
The rebirth of the old ways

What trembling there will be,
When the Holy Hunters are the prey,
When the Coven are removed –
The thousand act of reprisal

And behold:
It’s the dawn of upheaval –
Open is the fount of emptiness
Feel the shudders before the unevitable tide,
Breath of the Ancient Ones –
Awaiting the hour of reckoning

And behold:
From the the shadows of the deep,
Come forth the beasts of the earth
To wage the weapons of war
To redeem countless deeds –
The scourge of heaven has begun

What trembling there is:
The temples of might torn down,
The mountains crumbling with fear
It’s the turning of ancient powers

What trembling there is:
The void devoured Them all
The collapse of a world order
Hence, this day we forge the future"

I'm quite newbie at Lovecraft, but have read some of Necronomicon and a short story in high school five years ago. It had something to do with an entity trying to escape the depths of earth and successfully reaches a mansion on the groundlevel, wherein a feast is being held...don't remember the title.

Note: I'm quite crappy at grammar and all, so you'll know...
Pretty obvious what I'm getting at in this lyric

[Aleister]

I will ignore your line about "reading the Necronomicon".. and I will hope you do not think there is a real (as in pre-Lovecraft) one...

but aside from that the lyrics look good!