Someone want to give me feedback on the new story?
http://www.templeofdagon.com/writers/de ... horror.htm
The Last Human Horror (short fiction)
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The Last Human Horror (short fiction)
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[I don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is]
http://www.reverbnation.com/aethermoon
[I don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is]
-
nortonew
- Lurking Fear
- Posts: 215
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Feedback
In the story, when you started talking about "eradication of lesser forms of life, paving the way for a clean cosmic highway", I couldn't help but think of the Vogon Constructor Fleet in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Near the beginning of the book they disintegrate Earth to make way for a Instellar Freeway Bypass, (or some such thing).
Of course, your Gruugs don't seem to write poetry, (or at least they don't like to talk about it as much as the Vogons did), so they are apparently a different race, (with a very similar vocation).
I liked the idea that an alien race would regard humans as ridiculously noisy. However, considering how annoyingly noisy we were, I'm surprised they watched us for so long before wiping us out.
The idea of humanity being destroyed initially via the elimination of technology actually seemed to me not such a terrifying idea as sort of a relaxing one. At least we'ld get a break from all of the noise and chaos of television and cars for a couple of hours before the air turned into methane.
The general writing style was good in that it was easy to read and understand. It was also an easy story to read from start to finish, (as opposed to the many "short" stories which end up seeming to drag on forever and I only manage to get halfway through before finding something else to do).
One last comment, which I hesitate to make due to the fact that it is rather trivial detail, is that I didn't notice anything in the story that would tie it in to the cthulhu mythos, (aside from the destruction of humanity, I suppose).
Of course, your Gruugs don't seem to write poetry, (or at least they don't like to talk about it as much as the Vogons did), so they are apparently a different race, (with a very similar vocation).
I liked the idea that an alien race would regard humans as ridiculously noisy. However, considering how annoyingly noisy we were, I'm surprised they watched us for so long before wiping us out.
The idea of humanity being destroyed initially via the elimination of technology actually seemed to me not such a terrifying idea as sort of a relaxing one. At least we'ld get a break from all of the noise and chaos of television and cars for a couple of hours before the air turned into methane.
The general writing style was good in that it was easy to read and understand. It was also an easy story to read from start to finish, (as opposed to the many "short" stories which end up seeming to drag on forever and I only manage to get halfway through before finding something else to do).
One last comment, which I hesitate to make due to the fact that it is rather trivial detail, is that I didn't notice anything in the story that would tie it in to the cthulhu mythos, (aside from the destruction of humanity, I suppose).
It wasn't a mythos story, perse'. DOH 
http://www.midnightsanctum.com
http://www.reverbnation.com/aethermoon
[I don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is]
http://www.reverbnation.com/aethermoon
[I don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is]
I said DOH because as I wrote it, for some stupid reason, I rationalized it was. Now, I feel somewhat retarded 
http://www.midnightsanctum.com
http://www.reverbnation.com/aethermoon
[I don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is]
http://www.reverbnation.com/aethermoon
[I don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is]