What if Doom had some comedy in it?

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Vodstok
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What if Doom had some comedy in it?

Post by Vodstok »

I figured i would share a bit of a short story i am writing. it doesnt have a title yet, but I'minterested in what you all think so far.

Mick and Mike squatted in the air duct viewing the room below. There was a numbing static hum echoing off the aluminum and making it vibrate under their feet. Skinny men in white lab coats ran back and forth, entering information into computers, monitoring others…

A lone man in a tight black suit sat on a high chair facing an enclosed chamber. Behind thick glass, pulsed a blue glow and crackling energy. The man held a pair of joysticks, manipulating the direction of two energy beams at the glow, his goggled face reflecting back to him.

The two men in the vent were interested in what the man was doing. Very interested. They had been contracted to sneak into this lab and steal information, and to tell everything they saw. “That thing is pretty God damn cool…” Mike said. Mick smiled and shook his head. “What was your degree in? Applied physics? And ‘God Damn Cool’ is the best you can come up with?”

“Shut up…” Mike moped. “I wasn’t an English major, Mr. Shakespeare.”

“Clever, very clever….” Mick said, his smile growing wider.

Mike gave Mick a challenging look. “Dude…” Mick held up his hand. “Shh, I’m trying to listen!” Mike shook his head and glared at his partner. The man had an infuriating habit of pushing Mike’s buttons.

“We should get to the Data Room, Mick. Once this thing is done, we are only going to have a few minutes to grab the results and get out of here.” Mick nodded.

In the chamber, the man with the goggles moved both of the beams so that they met at a perfect ninety degree angle to each other, directly in the middle of the blue glow. Energy crackled, and the blue turned to orange, then red.

“Success!” He shouted. “Bradshaw! When the light turns green, I want you to activate the containment field.” A skinny man with thick glasses nodded. The drone of energy grew almost deafening as black smoke began to pour from the red glow.

Mick had started ahead of Mike down the duct. As Mike turned, his foot tapped the grate that covered the duct’s vent. He felt it fall loose. Mike’s eyes widened. He turned quickly to see the grate fall off the end of the duct.

“Uh oh.”

Mick stopped. “What?”

Below the two, the falling grate struck a skinny man with thick glasses in the head. The man, in turn, fell to the ground, unconscious.

“Alright, Bradshaw. The containment field, now!” the man in the goggles barked. The glow became brighter, as more smoke poured from it. There was a bright flash.

Mick looked over Mike’s shoulder. “What the hell did you do?” the question was rhetorical, he could see what happened. Mike shrugged and gave a sheepish look. “Oops.”

“Oops? What do you mean ‘oops’? Did anyone notice?”

Mike started to talk “I don’t think…”

“BRADSHAW!?!! The Containment fiel-“

The man in the goggles turned around. Bradshaw lay on the floor. He turned slowly to view the chamber. It was full of smoke, except the center where the glow had been. Now, the glow was merely a border around a picture. The picture was a landscape of pain: Black sands, red skies, rivers of fire.

The man in the goggles reached for the panic button. He bumped one of the joysticks. It caught his sleeve. Panic overwhelmed him. Men in lab coats turned to see what was going on. They began screaming and running around, looking for exits. The joystick moved. One of the beams broke free from their intersection.

The humming stopped. The men stopped running. The man in the goggles grew cold, afraid to look up from his hand, barely an inch from the panic button.
“True. Hey, maybe we can actually get all of the data out of this thing without getting eaten.”
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Adrian
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Post by Adrian »

I must say that generally people who have posted their fragments of writings on these forums get the sensation similar to the protagonists feeling of empty desolation when marching into Innsmouth.
"I just cannot believe any of this voodoo bullshit." - - - Childs
Jesus Prime wrote:You sure love your pudding.
Jesus Prime wrote:ADRIAN LOVES PUDDING
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Aleister
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Post by Aleister »

Do not let it be discouraging though :)

I am at work right now, but I will be sure to let you know what I think later tonight.

It can be hard to give a good opinion on just a fragment sometimes, and that keeps a lot of people from saying much I think. :)
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